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NBA Weekend Awards: Who takes home the Wilt Chamberlain Trophy?
Oklahoma City Thunder guard Russell Westbrook had a Chamberlain-worthy scoring performance.  AP Photo/Sue Ogrocki

NBA Weekend Awards: Who takes home the Wilt Chamberlain Trophy?

The second weekend of the NBA playoffs is over, and the only thing we’ve resolved is that the Indiana Pacers are going home, and David Fizdale is not a numbers guy, but he knows when things aren’t adding up. To honor the high achievers and shame the slumpers, we are presenting a set of awards. Because only one team can hoist the Larry O’Brien Trophy each year (and it’s the Warriors, come on), but at least these heroic athletes can take home some Yardbarker-approved hardware.

Wilt Chamberlain Trophy: For excellence in scoring. This goes to none other than Russell Westbrook, who averaged 35 points a game so far in his series against Houston. He’s also leading all players in assists, field goal attempts, two-point field goal attempts, defensive rebounds, and steals. Basically, Westbrook doesn’t want anyone else on either team to touch the ball besides him. The Thunder are down 3-1, so don’t be surprised if Westbrook puts up a 60-15-20 next game, and Doug McDermott sets a record for most “Hey I’m open!” hand waves.

Scottie Pippen Award: For the guy who disappears at the end of the game. This one goes to C.J. McCollum, who after 27 points through three quarters, hit only one field goal in the fourth against the Warriors, and also had a bad turnover. To be fair, the Blazers are overmatched against even a Durant-free Warriors squad, but for them to have any chance at all, their spectacular backcourt needs to be draining long-range shots or they'll be out-Splashed.

Burr-Hamilton Award: For the best duel. Kawhi Leonard and Mike Conley traded buckets down the stretch of Game 4 in Memphis. Conley scored a franchise-high 35 points for the Grizzlies, which is a testament to both his performance and the grittiness-and-grindiness of the Grizzlies defense-oriented franchise history. Leonard meanwhile scored San Antonio’s final 16 points in regulation as they made up a ten-point deficit, and hit a three to tie the game with 17 seconds left in OT. Memphis ultimately won when Conley opted out of the hero ball narrative and passed to Marc Gasol for the game-winner. Currently, Lin-Manuel Miranda is halfway through writing his musical about the game.

The Reese Witherspoon Medal: For resisting a rest. After a season where detractors knocked NBA superstars for taking games off and questioned the Cavaliers’ bench, LeBron James clapped back at both by virtually never leaving the floor versus Indiana. He played nearly 44 minutes per game, and if he ever got tired, it certainly didn’t show in his 50-92 shooting and terrifying late-game chase-down blocks. Now he gets a whole week off to cruise around in his Kia, eat sea bass with Dwyane Wade, or get his blood spun and re-injected in Germany.  

Alec Baldwin’s “Rude Little Pig” Award: For the worst call of the weekend. That doesn’t go to a referee at all, but instead to Bulls coach Fred Hoiberg, who blamed his team’s failure to stop Isaiah Thomas in Game 4 on the referees not whistling him for carrying the ball “on every possession.” Even if you ignore the awful personal tragedy Thomas has played through this week, Hoiberg’s complaint is weaker sauce than the condiments at a vegan barbecue. You know what else makes it hard to stop Isaiah Thomas? Benching your starting center for the entire fourth quarter. Or letting him play the entire second half with four fouls without ever attacking him on offense, even though he’s 5’8” and 180 pounds. But Hoiberg would rather complain about an infraction that’s rarely called, and never on anyone under six feet. And on the subject of carrying, Jimmy Butler could probably use more than two minutes of rest if he’s going to have to be the point guard, primary scorer, and primary defender. Sure he’s 27, but that’s 34 in Thibodeau years.

The Olaf the Snowman Frozen Moment: The play that our memory won’t let go. Marc Gasol hit a cold-blooded floated over the ice-cold LaMarcus Aldridge to even the Spurs-Memphis series. After a game and a half, the Grizzlies didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell, after the Spurs buried them with an avalanche of points — it was 167-119 after six quarters. But Memphis dug themselves out, thanks in part to Vince Carter coming out of cryogenic storage to play heavy minutes at small forward.

Paul Pierce Award: For multiple daggers. That goes to "Iso Joe" himself, seven-time All-Star and stealth Hall of Famer Joe Johnson. Johnson hit a leaning, game-winner in Game 1 where the shot mirrored his own creaky game. It felt like he released the ball with seven seconds on the clock, and it finally dropped through as the buzzer sounded. And playing without Gordon Hayward and with a limited Rudy Gobert in Game 4, Johnson absolutely took over down the stretch. Luc Mbah a Moute played stellar defense but it didn’t matter — Joe hit every contested jumper, and when the defense shifted, he hit every open man.

This has to particularly sting for Doc Rivers, since anyone who hurt the Celtics in the Eastern Conference Playoffs ten years ago normally ends up on the Clippers bench right next to Pierce. He also receives this week’s Nolan Ryan Award, for the old dude who beats up on younger guys, though calling any Clipper “young” is a bit of a stretch.

The Christian Bale Belt For Feast Or Famine: Just as Bale gains and loses hundreds of pounds for seemingly every role, so too do DeMar Derozan’s scoring numbers fluctuate wildly. After missing all of his field goals in Game 3, DeRozan came back with a masterful Game 4, scoring 33 of Toronto’s 87 points. He hasn’t made a single three-pointer, but he’s 35-37 from the free throw line. It’s impossible to predict how the Raptors will do, since they seem to only excel when their backs are against the wall. So Game 5 could feature another DeRozan masterpiece, him getting shut down by Giannis, or him wearing a terrible hairpiece, gaining 45 pounds, and screaming at a cameraman.

Rodney Dangerfield Award: For the guy who doesn’t get no respect. This is for John Wall, who continued his season-long revenge tour of the Eastern Conference by averaging 31 points and ten assists in the first three games of the Hawks series. Wall doesn’t think the refs give him calls, he barely has a shoe deal, and despite not being a dirty player, he was 7th in the league in technical fouls. But he uses the disrespect! Trailing by 25 in the first quarter, he took it upon himself to dunk on the entire Hawks team at once, going behind the back for one of the nastiest dunks of the playoffs, if not the entire season If Tim Hardaway Junior talks trash, or if Wall’s girlfriend leaves him, or if his fan club breaks up — because the guy died — watch out, because a disrespected John Wall is a deadly John Wall.

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